Questions and Answers.....

Well, I'm on holidays now, 1 week into a 2 week break. To be honest, it hasn't really felt like it. Christmas is great and seeing all family and friends is awesome, but the week has just flown by. What I thought I would do is paste in one of those Q&A thingies. I lifted this one from my cousin-in-law's myspace page (thanks!) although I would like to point out that myspace is sooooo 2006! (so get with it!) What is your middle name? Which one?? What color is your mailbox? Silver Are you single? No Have you ever hit a deer? I've never felt the need. Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home? Depends where I am coming from. What color is your room? Bright silver. Do you have a small driveway? It's not how big it is..... Do you know anyone with the same ringtone as you? No What do you do first in the morning? Fart. What brand is your printer? I don't own one Do you enjoy fighting with people? no Is your hair naturally straight or curly? One needs hair to answer this question. Who was your kindergarten teacher? Mrs Hartnor What is your ringtone? Ready, Steady, GO! Are you taller than your mom? I hope so! What curse word do you say the most when your pissed? I don't swear, I am a god fearing nice boy. Are you God? That would imply that God is a person, as opposed to a deity, so no, I am not God. Do you like someone? NO, I hate all people. What sort of question is that?? Do you enjoy writing in colored pens? no, I'm not a 14 year old girl. Does anything hurt on your body right now? The hump growing out of my back. Do you often cry during a movie? ONly if Miss R jabs me hard enough in the ribs. Last phone call you received? Mum Last text message? Mr Caffeine relaying details about a BBQ tomorrow night. Do you hate your life? No Do you get mad easily? No What is your biggest pet peeve? Waiting for people. Are you cold? It's 38 degrees in the shade. No, I am not cold. Do any of your friends have kids? Yes. Do you know anyone that is pregnant right now? Yes. Who should pay on the first date? The person who asks. How many years older than you are you willing to date? Nobody older than my mum. Yuk. Do you have any friends? Could you imagine the kind of person that would say no to this question?? Do you have any mean friends? Only past tense. What is the ugliest color to wear in your opinion? Silver jump suits. Have you ever liked someone who all your friends hate? Yes. Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff, seriously? Only jokingly. Have you ever contemplated suicide? How selfish. Do you scratch your ears? NO, I have earscratchaphobia Who was the last person to hug you? Miss R What brand are the pant/jeans you're wearing right now? Kenji How tall are you? 178cms What is the closest green object? My eyes. Awwww, how disgusting. If you were born the opposite sex, what would your parents name you? Pussy Galore. Do you want to have kids? No. What is the brightest color you're wearing? White. Who is the friend you have that you would never have expected to have? Every one of them. Who do you hate the most right now? The kid who rides his trial bike backwards and forwards through the park. What a genius! Or the person who set up the traffic light sequence down St George's Road. Another genius. What kind of car do you want? Aston Martin V8 Vantage What is your favorite video game? Singstar. Do you like your dad? Yes. Do you have any TV shows on DVD? Yes. Are you wearing make-up? Not very likely. Do you have a tattoo? No. Have you ever broken a pinata? No. What time is it right now? 10.05pm Do you know how to draw? NO, I can't even write. I am illiterate. Who loves orange soda? My dog unfortunately. Who did you last IM? I don't IM. Do you work a lot of hours? Please define 'alot'. 40-45 hours a week. Where were you in the last 24 hours? Home, Ringwood, Mt Dandenong, Thomastown, my car, planet earth, under a rock, On top of Mt everest...you know, the usual. Who was the last person that called you? Haven't I answered this before?? Do you know where your family name originated from? Some would say planet Zod, but it's actually Dutch. Is there an animal that creeps you out? Centipedes. What is your favorite color ON A CAR? Well, bronze yellow I suppose. Do you use digital or film cameras? Both. Do you own an iPod? No, not a fully fledged one, just a shuffle. Have you ever been on a charter bus? Yes. Do you like going to water parks? Not overly, no.

Reservoir is not just a suburb but a lifestyle option.....

As I have mentioned on numerous occasions, I live in the Melbourne suburb of Reservoir. When I mention this fact to people they either look at me in abject disgust or horror or respect me out of fear that I will break into their houses and rob them. Whatever. Reservoir isn't the shithole many people make it out to be. I swear there are places in South Yarra that are far uglier with far less savoury people about. To the casual observer however, there are a few nuances of the suburb that one has to negotiate to really fit on like: 1: Spaghetti Junction. Somewhere in the inner reaches of some genius' brain lay the reasoning behind a 7 way intersection with a train line and station smack bang in the middle if it. This intersection effectively splits the suburb in two. You think I'm joking, but just look at the aerial photo to prove it. I mean, seriously, if you don't jag a traffic light sequence it can take up to 20 minutes just to get from one side of the railway line to the other. It is easier to park and walk across. Luckily we don't need to cross it all that often because of.... 2: The Two Sides of the Tracks. The railway line splits the suburb in two. I have only ever ventured to the 'other side' when desperate for some thai take away...which they didn't have. The 'other side' is a scary place, full of $2 shops and lebanese greengrocers and there is NO car parking. This is probably the reason there are so many boarded up shops there, although the "Broadway Bingo Hall" does tempt me from time to time. 3: Cars. If you don't own a VL Commodore/Calais, skyline, Silvia, turbo ANYTHING, or V8 you really don't fit in. Looks like I don't fit in. 4: Coles: Don't shop at Reservoir Coles. They won't have what you want and their checkout queues stretch down the frozen food aisle. Just drive to the Preston Safeway and experience the difference. 5: Edwardes Lake: The lake is awesome. A jewel in the crown of the northern burbs. I did however find out that it was drained 2 years ago and stank out every house in a 5km radius. Hopefully they won't be doing that anytime soon. 6: Furniture. No, I don't go peeking into people's loungerooms to see what lounge suites they own, you only have to see them dumped on their front lawns or nature strips. Oh yes, if you need any free lounge furniture, a quick trawl of the streets will soon have your house full of quality, second hand couches and three legged coffee tables. Tops.

Money saving tips.....

Maybe it was my upbringing under Dutch parentage or my years living on $50 a week as student, but along the way I have picked up some ideas that can save a bit of money here and there. 1: Do number twos at work. You use their toilet paper, not yours and they get cleaners in to clean the toilets which you don't. It's a win-win. 2: Buy petrol on Tuesday night. You have to be a fricken idiot if you don't do this. Seriously. If petrol goes up $0.15 a litre on Wednesday, that's an extra $7.50 on a 50 litre tank. 3: Cut the excess rubbish off fruit and vegetables before you buy them. For example, the stalks on broccoli or the shitty crap at the end of celery. You're not going to eat it so why pay for it? 4: ALDI: If only for the ridiculously low priced top quality chocolate and booze you can buy there. The only down side is that Aldi shuts at 6pm SHARP, so be able to get there after hours is a bit of a hassle, and on the weekends it's every man, or woman, for themselves. 5: Do your shopping in less well-to-do areas. It's a known fact that Camberwell Safeway is easily 10% dearer than Preston Safeway. That's just the way it is. 6: Buy home brand. If you can't get to Aldi, then buy the supermarket home brand stuff. Especially for staple items like sugar, flour, salt etc. Honestly, sugar is sugar, no 30% brand mark-up is going to tell me otherwise. At the end of the week, these things may only save you $20, but it's still $20.

Christmas and all that....

'Tis the season and all that. Christmas in Australia is, of course, in the middle of Summer. Yet, we still cling to the notion of a European christmas with roast turkey and ham, even if it is 40 degrees in the shade. We don't care. Suffice to say that Miss R and I have been braving the christmas shopping experience over the weekend. The wonderful mecca of north suburban consumerism, Northland (or norflans mate), really comes into its own...especially its hideously designed car park system which hits grid lock at the mere smell of anything with an internal combustion engine. Luckily we got there at 11am and scored not just any car park, but THE car park. This was handy due to Miss R's ankle still not being in tip top condition, although the limp did manage to help her fit in with all the other freaks that frequent the place. Anyway, not only her feet were killing her, but mine weren't in such tip top shape either. And it's tiring isn't it?? And is it all worth it? Why is it so hard to pick presents for people you have known all your life? All we all really want to do is eat enough food that could feed an African family for year and blob out watching Ray Martin host carols by candlelight. Oh bless.

Best and Worst TV 2007

Well, it seems like every newspaper and magazine has got their best and worst 2007 lists coming out, so I thought I would do my own best and worst of TV for this year. I love TV, I'm not ashamed to admit it. Big deal. Worst 5: 1. Search for the Next Pussycat Doll: Miss R secretly punished me for what, I'm not entirely sure, and had me sit through an episode of this. The following week I availed myself to the spare room and decided that clipping my toe nails was more enjoyable. 2. Today Tonight/ACA: Like a car crash, one can never get enough human misery. I am always on the look out now for dodgy lebanese mechanics selling obese kids drugs outside of school. Quality. 3. Neighbors: Too many characters, too many plots intertwined with confusing, and lets face it, totally unrealistic sub plots. From what I can gather now, all 30 characters live in three houses. 4. The Vault: If it didn't have a lottery permit it would be a total scam. They make up a question and an answer and then rig it so it takes 60 minutes for someone to get it right. One also has to question the intellect of people who are watching TV at that hour and are watching this crap to boot. 5. AFL Grand Final: For all the satisfaction of seeing Port Adelaide get thumped, it just didn't live up to hype and now I can never get those 3 hours of life back. Dishonourable mentions to: America's Next Top Model, Australia's Next Top Model, Australian Idol Best 5. 1. Top Gear. Without doubt the beacon of light that SBS have so kindly brought this outstanding TV show to Australian shores to educate the masses on how TV should be made. Honest, well filmed, funny. 2. Thank God You're Here: Total rip off from the Drew Carey hosted Whose Line Is It Anyway, it doesn't matter. It's great to see theatre sports on TV. How funny was it huh? 3. Big Brother: Everyone else thought it was boring. I didn't. I secretly got home and flicked on channel 10 every night, watched Friday night Live and everything. I got sucked in. Big deal. 4. Mythbusters: Again, SBS did a great job to bring this to our shores. I don't care that they're repeats, you just want to see that cement truck full of C4 explosive get detonated one more time. I'm such a boy. 5. Californication: There is nothing so satisying than shocking the moral majority, and my bet is CHannel 10's switchboard lit up like a preverbial christmas tree when this show went to air. The acting and storylines are top notch. The portrayal of a man's decent into the moral abyss couldn't be more realistic. It's just the most honest account of everyday life out there. Well, I think so anyway. There are far too many shows to mention, so here is a list: Chasers War on Everything, Red Bull Air Race, House, Biggest Loser, can't think of anymore, but no doubt I will edit this in the near future.

Jimi Hendrix

My first ever post I mentioned as to why I labelled this blog stone free. One of the reasons was because I am a big fan of Jimi Hendrix. Yes, even in this day and age, 37 years after he died, how good is his music?? Seriously, just listen to it. It's kinda funny in a way, like when I was in high school, and I'm sure many of my friends would attest, I was listening to Jimi on my old Sony walkman (I still have the original cassette!) where everyone else was listening to Metallica and Guns 'n Roses. Nothing wrong with Metallica and GnR either, fricken awesome stuff. But for some reason, Jimi has been with me throughout time. The imagary of his lyrics and the way he just made the guitar sound cannot be emulated. And so it goes that there is a big budget bio-pic being penned about his life. I'm stoked that finally this is going to happen. From what I can gather this has taken some time to occur due to legal stuff that seem far too complex to even scrape the surface on. A couple of big names have been touted to play the man himself, but if it were up to me it would be Andre 3000. He looks like Jimi and can even play the axe as well. I have heard that Lenny Kravitz has been banded around, but I think Lenny is getting a bit old now, I mean Jimi died when he was 27, not 42 (or whatever age Lenny is now). Mind you, I saw Lenny in concert and it was probably the closest thing I would get to seeing Jimi live.....without all the guitar burning business going on.

Guns and god.

I'm sitting here watching the news and there has been two shootings in America, both at churches. The story has gone on to say that at one of the places, the shooter was taken down by a church security guard. Okay, does anyone see anything wrong with this picture yet?? Firstly, I was under the impression that the American churchy nutbags believed in peace and love and the whole 'what would jesus do' thing. Personally, I don't have any issue with Jesus, but for some reason I don't think he would be the kind of person to pull out an AK-47 and start mowing his disciples down. Secondly, you have to really question why a church needs a security guard, yet alone an armed security guard. Are these people living in fear? I thought religion was meant to free you from fear...the whole "Though I may walk through the valley of death.." all that kind of thing. Are people not happy with Jesus now? Are their prayers not getting answered? Are they now wanting to get back at their fellow parishioners? Hate to break it to you people, but Jesus is not going to stop a 7.62mm bullet, only a kevlar vest can do that. Yes, I am judging these people, and their closed mindedness can sometimes just stagger belief, but anyway, if they're happy, well, I can't argue with that.

Of sisters and Zen.

I am very very excited because my dear sister is coming over from London this week. Unfortunately I have to work right up until the 21st or whatever it is, but I'm hoping I can spend a bit of time with her while she's here. Miss R and I had pencilled in the 8th December as our wedding day, and it came and went and the weather was just beautiful. Luckily though my sis didn't cancel her flight and chose to come over anyway. I'm glad of that at least, and I know she is too. There is something many of you out there might not have expected me to do. I have completed a Landmark Forum. My guess is that many people think it's a cult or a money spinning operation in bullshit, and to an extent, I can see how people can come to that conclusion. I know there were a few moments when I did, but then you kinda think well, they are a business, like any other business, and they need to survive just like the 7/11 on the corner with their ridiculous 50% mark-up on bog rolls. If they needed more business than what they get then they could quite easily book a spot on "Mornings With Kerri-Anne" or whatever and get queues of people pouring in. Anyway, what did it do for me? Well, other than combatting 3 days of sleep deprivation because you can't sleep, it was actually very enlightening. Very zen if you will. I won't beat around the bush, it can get very confronting, especially when people get up and speak about their pasts and you sit there and think "shit, actually, my life aint so bad" and you have to confront certain people in your life. I confronted alot of stuff about my schooling and how terrible it was for me as a little boy like I was. But what happened has happened, and all one can do is move on from that and not let it effect your future.

I swear to god our little whippet is turning into a little freakin monster. Here is a breakdown of what this little ADHD dog has accomplished over the past week: - Rip up an entire New Idea magazine/JB HI Fi Catalogue/TV Guide/other general reading material and leave it strewn over the backyard. - Rip apart a foam dog bed and leave foam strewn all over the back yard. - Rip the arm off a teddy-bear and leave stuffing strewn all over the back yard. - Dig a crater sized excavation right in the middle of the lawn. - Ignore us totally and not come inside from the park when called. - Roll her head in the most digusting tan brown dog turd she could find. - Pull over the kitchen bin in the middle of the night and pull out ALL the rubbish she could find and leave strewn all over the kitchen/lounge/backyard. Needless to say, she has lost her off-leash rights for a few days until she calms the hell down. I don't know what has gotten into her. She used to be so placid and calm, but now she is a certified nut case. Poor Merlin the greyhound doesn't know what to do most of the time. He just stands there and watches as she goes absolutely nuts. We made up some home made dog food last week out of mince, eggs, rice and vegies which was awesome, and they both loved it, but I'm starting to think that it blew her blood sugar count through the roof. All those carbs! We have run out of it now, so it will interesting to see if she calms down again as a result. I'm hoping so as the backyard looks like a fricken war zone. Maybe we should invest in some weapons grade Bach's Rescue Remedy to bring her buzz down a bit.

The human body is crap part II

Considering the state of Miss R's ankle at the moment, I thought it would be pertinant of me to elaborate on my own unfortunate ankles. I was born with club feet. There, I said it. Now let me explain what effect that has had on my life. From what I can understand, I had an operation when I was about 6 months old to rectify the problem. Obviously, it was either that, or spend the first 12 years of my life in calipers. The operation involved the removal of the shortened muscle tissue of my calves, as well as numerous tendons and other stuff. The result? Well, yes, my feet do kinda lay flat now, I can wear normal shoes, walk, run and jump etc but I have a very limited range of motion in my ankles. The other thing is I have not the nicest looking legs in the world. More to the point, they look like little sticks. I don't care, really, never have. Once people see the scars on my feet they tend to understand. I sprain my ankles at least once a month, probably more. Just muscles though, not ligaments, which goes away after a couple of days. But I went to a GP when I was about 20 years old to get to bottom as to why I was spraining my ankles all the time as I got sick of it. So I had some x-rays taken, at which point the GP said something along the lines of "ummmm, I've never seen this before. Ummm, looks like your bones have fused together. I can't help you I'm sorry." So I went back to the surgeon who operated on me. He said that he could do another operation whereby my feet would lay even flatter, but it wouldn't alter it very drasticially. So I didn't bother. So I live with it, and move on. What else can I do? If my parents had elected to go the caliper route, I would have quite normal looking legs by now I dare say, but at what cost of wearing calipers for 12 years?? Oh the bullying would've been monumental! I have only ever seen one other person who had obviously had the same operation. She was at the old gym I used to go to, and you could tell just by looking at her legs that something was amiss. However, and this is what touched me greatly, she had gone and got tattoos all over her calves as if to say "screw it, this is who I am." Good on you.